Numbers 20:1-13

I am reading in Numbers and this morning, I got to the chapter where the Israelites grumble because they don’t have water (I think I would have grumbled too). And so Moses and Aaron go before the Lord, facedown, and His glory appears and He tells Moses to speak to a rock and it will produce water. I know the story well, and it always makes me a bit mad.

Moses is so irritated with the Israelites that instead of speaking to the rock, he strikes it twice and water gushes out. But the Lord is angry and says to Moses and Aaron, “Because you did not trust me enough honor me as holy in the sight of the Israelites, you will not enter the promised land.” I have always complained, “Lord, really? Really? I mean, look how amazingly faithful Moses has been. And one little outburst of anger kills the whole deal for him? That’s not fair!”

But that’s because I am not seeing the extent of Your holiness. How absolutely important it is to You, and should be to me. And the phrase that struck my heart this morning is: “You did not trust me enough.”

Oh, Lord, how guilty I am of not trusting You enough. I’ve seen all the ways You provide, all the wonders You’ve worked, and still, in certain areas of my life, I drop the ball. I don’t trust You enough.

In so many areas, You’ve taught me to trust You.

But today I confess again some of my fears—my fear of recurring chronic pain, my fear of complications in ministry and writing. I confess the horror of my jealousies and comparisons, and how it breaks my heart. Surely it breaks Your heart so much more.

But I am so thankful to have my heart working again so that it can break. I much prefer that than the hardness of heart that sometimes creeps in.

Please let me trust You enough again, sweet Lord.

I am forgetting how much You love me, You created me, You delight in me and my giftings and more than that, You delight in using all of my life’s circumstances to show me Your ways and teach me Your paths and guide me in Your truth…

As I ride my bike along the Saône River, teach me again, Lord, those paths that You have set for me. And please, Holy Lord, today, may I trust You enough. Enough to believe that where I am today is where You want me, enough to believe that I can give myself permission to rest and enjoy time with Paul on our day off, enough to know that You will provide exactly what we need for the next step in our journey as we seek to glorify You.

And may that be enough.

Enough

Enough, Lord! Enough of it all!
I’ve had enough of myself,
My spiraling down,
Enough of that fear that
I am not enough.
Not valued enough to deserve rest,
Not loved enough to deserve to stop serving,
And simply be with You,
Not good enough to meet the unquenchable thirst
Of my spirit when my spirit is not aligned with Yours.
Enough! Enough of it
Because…
You are enough, Jesus.
I confess it again,
One more time,
Out loud
So my heart and spirit and soul hear:
“You are enough!”
So that I don’t have to be
Valued enough,
Loved enough,
Good enough,
To anyone else—myself included
Because You are enough
—oh, so much more than enough!!!—
for me, Lord Jesus.
So that when I am stripped bare of everything
But You and Your overwhelming love for me,
I see that I am
Enough in You,
And that is totally and completely…
Enough.

What area of your life do you struggle to trust God with?