As we were coming to the end of our mandatory month off from Member Care, I listened to this podcast about spending a day alone with God. I’d had many sweet times with the Lord during this month, but I felt the Holy Spirit encouraging me to follow the suggestions from The Potter’s Inn blog that gave a schedule for a Solo Day with the Lord. I’m sharing some of my reflections below in hopes that they will encourage your soul and even more, encourage you to take a solo day with the Lord. Listen to the podcast and you’ll see it is a lovely, freeing schedule, that even includes a Napio Divina (a nap!)

Solo Day with the Lord

After spending thirty minutes in silence–not praying–not doing anything except being sitting silently, I was asked to write down Five Adjectives to describe The State of My Soul

            longing

            pursuing peace

            teetering

            convicted

            grateful

Immediately I thought back to what had happened a few weeks ago when Paul was doing his solo day. We’d only recently returned to France and I was a bit discombobulated. So I’d driven to a nearby town to buy scrapbooking materials (one of my favorite hobbies) and then escaped into the beautiful Beaujolais wine region.

This is what I wrote:

I’d awoken with dark thoughts and knew my soul just needed to see the beauty of this region again to feel connected with you, Lord. So I drove and cried and confessed and drove and cried and confessed.

Now that life is again bright, I don’t exactly know what was so dark, but I know I continue to see my selfishness and feel discouraged about it. Then I spiral to thinking negative thoughts about the past. But You rescue me as I cry out to You, dear Lord.

And, Lord, I’m teetering again with these darker thoughts, feeling overwhelmed and selfish and wanting to just keep on being alone in our sweet yard with Paul and You. I know You will lift me up again today because that is what You do.

Looking at the above adjectives, I think I am longing, longing to keep pursuing peace, to have my soul existing in a peaceful state no matter the circumstances. But I teeter with debilitating self-criticism when I see my selfish heart and when I hear of the selflessness of so many people I dearly love. I want to be more like them, Lord, and more like You.

Except I don’t. Not really. Deep down I just want things to go my way and to have life make sense and to tie each day up with a beautiful bow and see that I finished what was before me and everyone I love is doing okay and I am comfortable and warm and safe and so are they.

That’s really what I want, Lord, and so I teeter and am tempted to just fall into the trap of beating up on myself instead of running with all my heart into Your arms, flinging myself on my knees in front of You, confessing that selfishness and pride and jealousy, and then accepting Your forgiveness. Again. For today.

That’s the convicted part—yes, I’m convicted of my sin, and I confess it, but if I’m not fixing my eyes on You, I don’t really experience the FREEDOM of FORGIVENESS. That’s what my soul is longing for, that peace that passes understanding, knowing You love me, forgive me, pick me back up, and off I go again on this great adventure.

And oh, how I am grateful for this, precious Lord. So may it be again today.

Lectio Divina—Mark 2: 6-12

As I awoke, Paul had already gone to work on the new church building and then would be playing soccer. I had the day alone in front of me. I was tired and feeling the darkness and a headache, so I just washed my face and put a cool rag on my head and lay back down and listened to the Lectio 365 for today, and it was about selfishness and control. It was about You healing the paralytic. And usually I feel like I’m one of the bystanders, but today, I felt like I was one of the religious leaders, criticizing You.

Now as I’ve slowly reread this passage again three times, I’ve finally seen what was grabbing my heart. It’s after the religious leaders think to themselves basically, “Who does this fellow think he is? God?”

And Jesus, knowing what they are thinking, asks them, “Why are you thinking these things?”

And precious Lord, that’s what You are asking me again today.

“Why are you, Lizzie, thinking these things? You know Me. We’ve walked together for over 50 years. You’ve grown a lot, you’ve realized you don’t have to be perfect, that you certainly aren’t in control, that the women you work with aren’t yours at all but Mine. You’ve allowed Me to humble you time and again, and you’re getting better at confessing your sins more quickly and crying at your sin and then falling to your knees. You have seen Me rescue you time and time and time again from those dark thoughts. So why are you thinking these things? Don’t you know, don’t you know, don’t you know, that I am the ONE who does the work?

“Don’t you realize that enjoying your month off while hearing of hard things others are going through will pierce your heart? That’s okay. It should be pierced. Cry and pray and care, but DON’T COMPARE. I have you here right now to rest, to soak up France, to reconnect with your brothers and sisters in Christ and sprinkle love to others all around.

“You’ve come through a trying year. It. Was. Hard. And you saw My Power. So just take that deep breath and relax and soak in My peace and My presence and giggle at My goodness in your life and TRUST, TRUST, TRUST that I am with you, giving you this time off as a precious gift.

“And I know you will tend to try to peek around the corner and start worrying about what is next. But remember what you’ve been telling others: Every day has enough trouble of its own.

“Just enjoy, soak it all up. Breathe deeply and know you are deeply loved. And yes, today the flowers are for you and Me. Together.”

Oh, Lord, thank You. Merci. Help me keep thinking Your way, not mine. I realize I haven’t been meditating on Scripture as much as I need. May I be thinking of You today and enjoying our time together, just You and Me and whatever joy You want to bring along my way.

And the sweetest bonus: After I did my Lectio, I rode my bike to the little Rochetaillée marché and as soon as I parked, who came walking up to me but a precious older friend who I only see when I’m out for a walk and whom I hadn’t seen for 18 months. We were shocked to see each other and spent 30-45 minutes together.

Lord, You are the ONE who brings the people in our lives You want. I stand in awe of how BIG You are and yet so involved in the smallest details of our lives.

I am so, so, so grateful for this time here in France, Lord, where You have restored our souls.

“My dear children, let’s not just talk about love; let’s practice real love. This is the only way we’ll know we are living truly, living in God’s reality. It’s also the way to shut down debilitating self-criticism, even when there is something to it. For God is greater than our worried hearts and He knows more about us than we do ourselves.” I John 3: 18-20, The Message

ELIZABETH MUSSER writes ‘entertainment with a soul’ from her writing chalet—tool shed—outside Lyon, France. Find more about Elizabeth’s novels at www.elizabethmusser.com and on Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, and her blog.